I am officially 26 years old! It’s only been a couple of days, but birthdays are kind of like New Year’s resolutions. You tell yourself you’re going to accomplish certain things during the year, and my birthday just so happens to be 10 days after New Years. — on another note, hence the mood of this photo, I heard back from the company I applied for & got rejected, for the third time. I’m bummed. It’s the whole reason we moved out here...so I can pursue a career in a field I’m passionate about. I’m trying not to be hard on myself. I’m telling myself this is happening for a reason. Maybe there is another avenue to pursue. Maybe this is not my destiny or fate. Maybe I’m supposed to be out there doing something else, the same field, just not where I desire to be right now. — I also think I might be dealing with some seasonal depression. I’m unmotivated. I’m scared and worried all the time. I haven’t necessarily been anxious, just full of fear about all the uncertainty in life. I feel like my life is in limbo right now. Like I’m waiting for something to happen. But I know I need to make it happen. I need to make MY LIFE happen. In order to deal with today, a crummy day, I’m gonna go for a drive, end up at Charming Charlie and have me some retail therapy. — since I’m unemployed at the moment, it has given me time to work on my blog and YouTube channel. I also am enjoying bullet journaling again. My creativity gets to shine, so that’s awesome. My blog link is in my bio, check it out plz!
Today’s lunch. Chicken strips with a mountain of carrots. I’m feeling so much anxiety today. I think I felt it yesterday too but tried to suppress it. I applied for another position at my dream job; this would be my third time applying. I also found another job that I am interested in but I don’t want to apply bc I don’t want to be that person who gets hired then leaves because something better comes along. I also need health insurance. I also need to take a driving test to get my Utah license. I need a coffee table. So much on my mind! I hope this junk food will help...
Repost of one of my favorite photos of my Dad and I. I remember telling Trev to take pictures of my Dad and I looking at each other. I wanted to memorize the shape of his nose, his high cheek bones that I inherited from him, and the color of his green and blue eyes. I looked into my Dad’s eyes, trying to reach into his mind and soul. I wanted to make sure he understood that I loved him very much and would do anything for him. I was one of the only people to ever visit him at the nursing home in Monterey. I drove the 2 hrs once or twice a month in between school and work to visit him. He couldn’t talk on the phone as he lost his ability to speak in 2006. He couldn’t write letters as his ability to write could not make out a full, cohesive sentence. But when I walked into the doors of the nursing home, I looked frantically in his room, in the dinner hall, in the hallways to see his face. When our eyes met, he cried tears of joy. I hugged him tightly and gave him a big kiss on the cheek. I held his hand and wouldn’t let go until it was time to leave. I would make him laugh and he would make me laugh. We would cry, we would watch tv and movies, all while holding each other’s hand. - - - - - - I am 25, going on 26 years old next month, and I never had the honor of knowing my Dad. I faintly recall him telling me his favorite color was blue, I know he’s from Knoxville, TN, I remember him being a stickler about time and how the timing of everything was important. I recall small memories here and there, but I never had the honor to ask my Dad about his life & his experiences from his point of view. His ability to speak was taken away from both of us, and I never truly knew my Dad. I know him through family members & friends, but I never had the chance to know him and form my own opinions about him. What I do know is that my Dad was a storyteller; his stories weren’t always the full 100% truth, but they were entertaining and he told stories the way he wished the experiences had happened instead of how it actually did. But visiting my Dad in the nursing home, that was MY Dad. The laughing, crying, stubborn man who enjoyed my visits. I miss those times we shared everyday. ❤
Gonna miss my bestie @_yourstrulykimberly !!! Thank you for having me over and making me laugh. We had a blast! *** I can’t believe I have 4 days left in California. I’m so excited for this journey yet feeling kind of sad as time here is getting shorter. I can’t wait to start this new chapter w/ my love @spitz1388 but I’ll never forget where I came from. #bestie#bestfriend#20yearsoffriendship#20years