“Step out of your comfort zone.” Although hearing this often, I didn't truly understand it until recent years. Before I always tricked my way out of making a breakthrough to avoid failures, now I realized that the real reason for wanting an escape wasn’t fear of failure but laziness; being lazy to stand up for myself, to become, to take full responsibility for every decision and outcome.
As a child, I’ve been through many more special incidents than kids of my age, so it seemed easy to find excuses for things that I should have taken responsibility. The excuses were so convenience that I’ve never been aware, but as getting older, the price I have paid was gradually known in my heart. I have tasted regrets, and when regrets came I would experience them as deeply as possible, until I accepted, let go, and finally knew the way to take responsibility for myself.
No rush, no more shortcuts, no more excuses. Just steadily walk on the way of my life.
I am a book-shopaholic. I have zero resistance to those sensational titles, eye-catching covers, designed slogans, and attractive display. That is why I might need to wear some kind of eyeshade when walking into the bookstore, just to prevent losing control. While buying books is in fact a neutral thing, the bad thing is that I often lie in the bed, looking at all the books that I bought, but not read. Some of them just have been read for few pages, some never been glanced, and some I just couldn’t understand why I bought them. Recently I’ve been thinking: is this a different form of “knowledge block”? I remembered once I traveled only with one book, Letter from an Unknown Woman, and during that journey there were accidentally no Internet connection for a few days; the book was my only pastime so I read it again and again, slowly and thoroughly, finding details that I missed the last time I read it… Seeing Letter from an Unknown Woman on the shelf now brought me back to that memory, so I picked up a book that I haven’t read, pretending it was the only one book here. It wasn’t easy, but worked a bit for my focus. Then I wonder if I also treat people like books…