Natalie Sutanto @natstanto

https://lucenovation.wordpress.com/

⚡life enthusiast⚡️AC'15•YNC'20 family blog: [email protected] 📝

  • natstanto

    February 17th at 4:55pm
    156 12

    to make up for my very uncool ending just now this is a more cool improv WAOW actually quite interested to start improv dance group?? hmmmmm

    hank_shop

    34 minutes ago
    👍如花美眷 似水流年 珍藏那份闪耀的幸福! 😉

    panster_jerm

    6 days ago
    @spacebigstar_ yayyyyy!!

    spacebigstar_

    6 days ago
    @panster_jerm she is hahahahha

    hheartedgurl

    6 days ago
    😻😻😻

    maytheweirdo

    6 days ago
    Start a freestyling grp!!

    panster_jerm

    6 days ago
    *cough* choreo our second item!*cough*

    mavistheawesome

    6 days ago
    😍😍😍

    lynnvoight

    6 days ago
    Love it!!!!!!!!

    odeliasmells

    6 days ago
    marry me oppa

    quynh.quynhhh

    6 days ago
    i love this!
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  • natstanto

    February 17th at 1:48pm
    126 6

    It was very cool until I quite literally banged my head onto the floor 😭 anyway yay for releasing stress cos too much stress lately!!!! also i have more here @dftl.ns it's so old wow

    krispinkreme

    4 days ago
    r u o k

    marcushonwei

    6 days ago
    I..watched this two times because the head bang came too sudden the first time :/ and I wanted to see it again cuz it looked painful :/ why did I want to see it again :/ #4amThoughts

    giraffe_pip

    6 days ago
    I watched for the headbang

    nityyyaaaa

    6 days ago
    omg u cutie THAT WAS SO GOOD THO!!!!!!!!

    ttzeng123

    6 days ago
    Omg youre too cute ❤

    yong9lum

    6 days ago
    HAHAHAHAHAH THE SOUND but 👏👏
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  • natstanto

    February 17th at 11:22am
    210 0

    I am finally more legit kpop trash 💕 thanks for welcoming me heh 💃

  • natstanto

    January 27th at 5:09pm
    140 0

    - it is a time of caring | it is a time of apathy -
    time and time again, almost every waking moment, i am reminded of how many problems the world has, how many it had and the many ones it will probably still have in the future. My boundless idealism has kept me afloat above cynicism quite sufficiently, but there are always moments, where people tell me to care more about certain things, to spread my arms around issues I must care (important issues of course!) and yet there are many who tell me to sit back and let the world run its course. To keep the status quo, to suffer quietly but with dignity, to be okay with letting go. this tension grapples me so much at so many intersections of my life. I cannot possibly care and fight for every cause in this world (even with as much passion as i can muster). What are the things I can let go in the many concerns that colour my everyday experience? I am still in this strange exciting dance with my identity, as a youth, a woman, my family, my upbringing, my language, my interests. Across the questions I have been tossing around in my head (very much like a lohei thing), there seems to be a common thread of compromise, of sacrifice and of discomfort. The death of legacy, of language, of memories. The ambition to want to revolt and change things, to better things. At what cost can these things be achieved? What should I strive for?

  • natstanto

    January 17th at 6:26pm
    207 1

    of quiet nights and warm companions • am lost but will not be found • don't worry my hair isn't actually blonde • if only we were all hydrogen atoms just bumping into one another all the time, would that be a nicer existence than believing we're so much more than the cells in our brains, the scribbles on stone?

    soyun_alysha

    1 month ago
    ❤️
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  • natstanto

    January 8th at 3:43am
    218 6

    The concept of an identity is always difficult to grasp, and is always almost constantly shifting and changing. As long as we are interacting with others, forming and maintaining relationships, contemplating, we are shifting our mindsets and behaviours. Our identities are then a blend of all the small bits of others we pick up on the way, a particular habit of your best friend, a belief of your parents, the mannerisms of your partner.
    What I find interesting is then the expectation of identities, and what happens when individual freedom is restricted as a result.
    For example, families of doctors and lawyers are not uncommon. We know such a pattern is common, when the child follows the interest and skill of the parent. Musicians, artists, pastors etc. Perhaps you yourself have grown up in a family that enforced similar expectations upon you. Sometimes if perhaps a child chooses a deviant identity, it often brings immense confusion and almost rejection in the parents that have tried to shape the child's identity from young.
    This is a phenomenon I am sure many people will relate to, and this is definitely something I have experienced.
    What I found so interesting is how some people ground their identities so strongly in the identities of others, sometimes restricting the individual freedom of the other. We see this dynamic in many relationships, maybe between the government and its people, and most often between a parent and the child.
    It is still difficult to balance this dynamic in my own personal life. With an identity so carefully constructed for you by those around you, it is not easy to claim ownership over your own identity and reject the parts laid out for you. The rejection of some aspects of the identity set out for you almost implies the rejection of the person or thing that set that identity.
    I feel this more intensely now as I am at the cusp of adulthood, when my choices are still perceived to reflect the expected choices of those who raised me, my education, the sunday institution, my family.

    angadsri

    2 months ago
    Well at least someone is ready for Neurobio/Behaviour lmao

    marcushonwei

    2 months ago
    Thanks stanto:)

    natstanto

    2 months ago
    @oohlookabird omg now it does sound very week 7 stories of ourselves ish :O

    theadrops

    2 months ago
    ^

    oohlookabird

    2 months ago
    future Week 7 Stories of Ourselves readings right here

    natstanto

    2 months ago
    How do I start to reconcile this conflict? Unfortunately, I feel that this is a tension that everyone will have to experience, and sometimes to no end. Identities are a difficult concept to try to compromise on, it should not be transactional but as authentic as it can be.
    I feel that perhaps we can begin by first understanding our own identity. This isn't easy and identities are always changing. But by first attempting to acknowledge which parts of our identities do we actually own, which are influenced by others, which we are imposing on others, where we are grounding our identities, then we can begin to sort through certain unhealthy expectations, begin to pursue genuine individual freedom.
    It still baffles me sometimes how much we lean on others to support ourselves. It is not always a bad thing, it should be a great and healthy practice. But I believe that it is also very important to be able to lean on yourself, to ground your identity in yourself as well, and to understand which parts of yourself do you rely on others' identities. Then you can begin to be more open to loved ones owning identities that you may not resonate with, that perhaps we will reduce the restriction we impose (hopefully by a significant amount) of their individual freedom.
    I still have many thoughts about this issue. Maybe the parent is enforcing certain expectations because it is what is 'good for you', if they wouldn't know anything else better. Maybe it is a certain belief that requires the sameness of identity, maybe it is simply a dynamic of authority and those below it.
    I don't have a complete opinion of such issues, nor do I have foolproof solutions for the problems raised. Each and every person has a different experience, different expectations and opinions. But I believe, as wholeheartedly and naively as I can, that we can all benefit from healthier and more loving relationships that stem from genuine attempts at mutual understanding and acceptance, from a more wholesome understanding of our own identities and others.
    As long as begin to try, who knows how much better life gets when we actually live as authentically as we can.
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  • natstanto

    December 31st at 3:26pm
    227 3

    it has been a year of transition, a year of being brutally honest, the opening of wounds that had to be addressed, the slow healing of such wounds.
    this was the year I was able to pursue to some extent things that I want to pursue - my skills, person, experience and potential. this was the year of disappointment, the year I had to grow up, where the rest of my personhood had to catch up with the mind that matured too fast for its physical shell.
    2016 was the year I had to give myself chances, to give others the benefit of doubt, to understand once again that happy-ever-afters hardly exist. it was a time of poor health (falling sick 5+ times???), physical, emotional and mental. it has definitely been the weakest year I've ever experienced, more anxiety and more breakdowns than ever before. but I'm glad that as this year draws to a close, I feel a small sense of hope, a glimmer of light that my short arms are reaching towards. that the year ahead of me will see a stronger person, a person who will love more than she'll hurt, a person who will heal and still be open as always, to learn and to love always. as I wrote for my wishes entering a new phase of my life and once again to remind myself: 'to be curious always and to love regardless'. thanks 2016 for giving me some tough love but I'm the better person and now I'm less afraid to be uncertain, less afraid to fail, less afraid to believe again and yet again.

    laurakartika

    2 months ago
    Omg is this outfit supposed to be a modern-meets-tradition HEHEH

    sherphine

    2 months ago
    Love your reflection notes 😍😘❤

    rachjuay

    2 months ago
    🙌🏻❤ that's the Nat I love and admire
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  • natstanto

    December 19th at 11:19am
    230 5

    🚀space is the place 🚀
    interesting to see how massive some of the rockets were, how huge the resources required for space exploration, how it may be partially fuelled by human curiosity but very much driven initially by much political agendas wow human superiority reaches new heights all the time

    rachjuay

    2 months ago
    @natstanto it's in my genes from my ma^2 squad

    natstanto

    2 months ago
    @quynh.quynhhh YASSS cries we'll be back soon!!!

    natstanto

    2 months ago
    @rachjuay aiyoh u cutie hehe

    quynh.quynhhh

    2 months ago
    Bb so glad you are enjoying your holidays! Cannot wait for more hanging around time with ya in Jan!!!! 😘❤️❤️❤️✌🏼

    rachjuay

    2 months ago
    my admiration for you always reaching new heights 🌚 to the moon and back, ma
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  • natstanto

    December 12th at 2:15pm
    130 4

    I updated my blog, go read plox (link in profile)
    Part 2 of thoughts continuing from yesterday: I cannot help but notice how people have been reacting to my post yesterday, how other women resonated with my experience and appreciated the articulation of my emotions, while men reached out to comfort me and salvage the situation. I cannot help but feel unsettled, when I am told to keep my chin up and not let such situations affect me, especially when such opinions come from a place not of empathy but sympathy? when I receive well wishes to get out of the dark place I am as if it was simply a matter of the mind. sigh, there is only so much I can do in my small space that I occupy as a woman.

    natstanto

    2 months ago
    @aynchuannn thank you for feeling so :) really glad that I'm able to write about such things <3

    natstanto

    2 months ago

    aynchuannn

    2 months ago
    really thought provoking piece Stanto!!! thank you for being so brave and honest in addressing this important issue, really proud of you

    nicolaslovegood

    2 months ago
    amazing read!!!
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  • natstanto

    December 11th at 5:35am
    180 13

    i wonder how it would feel like not being the object being tossed around, something to be chased and then accordingly owned. When I am a person on my own, but I am always so afraid of men approaching me with other intent, not just to be friends, but something more, always something more. Have I become afraid of friending guys? Yes I have unless i'm completely sure they wouldn't have such intents towards me (maybe cos they have a girlfriend or sth else or whatever else but that's problematic gah). I'm sure some girls out there have experienced similar situations, when you or another girl is the main topic of discussion in boy locker talk, how she will be attained, to be fought for, regardless of her circumstance. She could be attached, single, not interested, whatever but one thing remains clear: she is an object to be won by men. How terrible this feels I cannot relay to you sufficiently enough. How I feel as if I am a trophy, pretty and fragile, to be fought for, to always be in possession by a man. I hate this, I really do, this fear I have of being treated this way, of friends I want to keep but I know I will not be able to. When will this cease? As long as boys will want to keep chasing, for as long as they cannot read a no for a no, for as long as their fantasies fuel their desires, forgetting how the other party is also human and could be hurt. This might be a generalisation, but please, to anyone who can relate to this, any girl or person to voice your discomfort, any boy to please understand that there is no battle to be won, that the objectification of anyone in itself is the worst you can do.

    gabesseah

    2 months ago
    Aiyoh 🙆🏻‍♂️ I think, we spoke of this before, in one of our many convos, and Sister, you know you are more or less right and it is unfortunate, and worse still it may even continue to manifest 😟 But I guess speaking about it will hopefully change some mindsets?¿

    chowareyou

    2 months ago
    @natstanto @hyper_unhinged RT! It's not about the morality of individual guys per se, but the way society is constructed as a whole that makes the objectification of women the norm

    natstanto

    2 months ago
    @xengpai sigh ikr, it just confuses and upsets me so much that i'm still being seen in a certain light, and it's terrible how this is the reality for a lot of others :(

    natstanto

    2 months ago
    @hyper_unhinged yeah right!! it's not that all guys are bad, it's just that sometimes certain societal expectations or peer pressures make them act in a way that harms women, which i feel is such a sad thing :(((

    natstanto

    2 months ago
    @edinatanyiqin @odeliasmells @chowareyou @adreeah @theadrops sigh yes indeed 😔❤️

    theadrops

    2 months ago
    resonates - thanks for writing this Nat
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