The saddest snack: an excerpt from "You Can't Spell Arrogant without Rogan"
A few days ago I found out about a free screening of the movie Loving. I've been wanting to see it, annnd I'm buckling down to save for Rhian's Zebra Crossing Adventure so I was hooked at free. The director is speaking after the movie. That's cool. But focused on free.
Folks, I've planned my last two days around this movie because popcorn. I love movie theatre popcorn more than Oprah loves bread. And there's no guilt at buying an extra jumbo popcorn with all the carcinogens because this movie is free.
I even did some bootleg meal prep last night so I would have breakfast and lunch for work tomorrow. I didn't make anything for dinner tonight though. Because popcorn.
So imagine my disappointment when I walk into the movie theater and it smells like nothing. There is no smell. There is no popcorn. There is a sad concession table stolen from a booster club fundraiser. And it's like a booster club showing fake love to a terrible athletic program. What monster scheduled a free movie screening but didn't schedule Orville Redenbacher?
So I go on Yelp. There's nothing close enough. There's nothing cheap enough. There's nothing good enough to fill the holes in my heart and stomach left by absentee popcorn. Nothing. I mean, I can smell a bacon wrapped hot dog street vendor but I'm not a red fern dog - I can't find their exact location in the mess of smells in Hollywood. So I end up at Starbucks and buy this sad snack before hurrying back to theatre. How could you let this happen?