Telling stories is hard, it’s actually quite a challenge for me. I have about 10-15 stories I have emotionally detached from and I share them flippantly when discussing my life. I made a promise to myself that when I started the #31daysofbeingseen that I would share stories I’d not given voice to before. It’s really hard, and moment to moment I'm bumping up against shame. How much is too much? what if X person sees it?
In order to tell my stories, I have to do the work of seeing them, making them very real by giving them a platform and being so fucking vulnerable in doing so. So, here we go:
I remember being 7 years old, my stepdad’s mother (my Nona) would sneak in to see my brother. She would give him a $50 bill or a $100 bill and give me a $2 bill. I was a point of contention in their lives. A bastard child.
Notice that I said sneak in? My stepdads father wanted nothing to do with my mother and I. We were outcasts in their roman catholic family. The matriarchs of the family would come together and secretly visit us. There’s a lot of shame in the story of my stepdad’s family. They wanted nothing to do with my bastard self, they ruthlessly compared me to one of my cousins and told me I had to be more like her. “Why can’t you be more like __” was a common comparison I experienced. I'm fairly confident that my mothers need to be accepted and being rejected because of my existence played a key role in how our dynamic developed
I performed for them, ever striving for acceptance. I switched from French (which I was quite rooted in) to Italian in school. I learned their numbers, their alphabet, but they still didn’t slow down enough for me to understand. I don’t speak to any of them now, I haven’t seen them in over 12 years. I wonder what they think? Where do they think I went? Does anyone ever ask how I just disappeared? I went poof from an entire family that I was forced to spend all my holidays and birthdays with and no one said a thing, no one reached out, no one asked.
Like, I said before, I’m really good at being invisible 😉
Artist of second image unknown. Tell me if you know!
Intelligent people can make a case for voting Trump, but when people at rallies are interviewed, it is often the dumb reasons that seem to dominate. This could be media spin.
I am so blessed to have the most incredible humans in my life, and none more so than my soul sisters.
On the day of my TED talk I had 4 of the most amazing & important women in my life by my side, cheering me on. My mom, my sister & two of my chosen sisters 🙏🏽💛 Before I went on stage, @eliasks blurted out that I had to see something before I did my talk & she handed a big wrapped present to me.
I opened it to find my all time favourite piece of writing / soul guidance written up in a frame. She said she had recently come across this piece by the QUEENKING Clarissa Pinkola Estes, unaware that it held significance for me or that I even knew about it.
It was the best possible reminder, encouragement, confidence boost, that I could have received.
I hadn't read it in a while but even glancing at the first line brought the same rush of love that I feel, every single time that I read it.
To add to the feels, there were / are 6 words in this piece, that I use in my TED talk (again totally unbeknownst to @eliasks) which are "We were made for these times." I looked at her speechless and she said "It's the best right? I saw it and knew I had to get it to you before you did your talk." If there were any nerves present before, there was not a single one after. It felt like a nod from all of the intuitive guidance that had led me to this point & I was fully READY to go up there & give this talk - for the sake of ALL humanity.
I'll leave you with (one of) my favourite parts.
A reminder that when we live our truth, we are doing ourselves and each other, the best possible service that we could. "One of the most calming and powerful actions you can do to intervene in a stormy world is to stand up and show your soul. Soul on deck shines like gold in dark times. The light of the soul throws sparks, can send up flares, builds signal fires, causes proper matters to catch fire. To display the lantern of soul in shadowy times like these - to be fierce and to show mercy toward others; both are acts of immense bravery and greatest necessity."
And that is honestly what I went out there and did.
I love you beyond words @eliasks 🌹
🌹As we rise, it's so important to remain authentic. Have you been honoring your self and voice by speaking up and out when necessary even if you feel it may cause conflict? Or do you remain quite due to the fear of it? It's imperative that we speak our truth for ourselves and others. If we ignore or suppress this throat chakra, your physical and emotional will start to reveal that to you in forms of tooth aches, sore throats, loss of voice, etc. . It is time to take your power back and stand up with respect for all of those involved without fear. "Speak your truth, even if your voice shakes." "A Speaker of truth has no friends." ~ African Proverb •
Those who need to be there will still be there in the end, they will respect and honor your voice, just as you will theirs. Have no fear. Speak up for yourself, for the truth. Breathe. Be calm. Be understanding. Be compassionate. But. Speak. Up! #VoicesInPower.