Five years ago today, I did the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I moved to Dallas.
I thought my life was over. My heart was broken, all the hard work I had put into the venue I managed was for nothing. I lost my friends, my cat, my co-conspirators and collaborators on events and music. I lost my studio, my apartment, the restaurant I loved waiting tables at. I lost a music scene which was a big semi-dysfunctional family that thrived in equal measure for local and international talent. At age 23 after being on my own for five and a half years I had to move back in with my parents. I was so depressed I hardly left the house for two months.
But slowly but surely, I forced myself to stand up and start taking steps to get that life back. I poured myself into my music even though it meant producing on one soft synth and DJing in Traktor with a mouse and an X1. I got a job waiting tables. I volunteered at SXSW. I got a gym membership. I scoured the internet to find any semblance of electronic music.
And slowly but surely, after five years filled with countless amounts of blood, sweat, and tears, I finally feel like I have my life back. I’ve played more gigs than I can count, worked at more festivals than I can name, gotten lots of stamps on my passport, met several more of my soul mates, started a successful music blog with my best friend, invested in high-quality music gear, embarked on my ever-unfolding spiritual journey including spending a year dedicated to yoga, have the best dog I could ask for, found a hobby which lets me interact with my favorite element, and am about to move into my fifth living space.
With this, I would like to say thank you to everyone who has supported me on this rough road to re-establishment. I hope I have been there for you, too.
I encourage all of you to take a step back and give yourself some credit for just being where you are now. Some days/months/years are really, really hard, but you made it to this point. By forcing yourself out of your comfort zone and following your heart you can do anything. Let’s keep celebrating the journey 🖤
To the center of the city where all roads meet, waiting for you,
To the depths of the ocean where all hopes sank, searching for you,
I was moving through the silence without motion, waiting for you,
In a room with a window in the corner I found truth.